O perfil de monkeytron3000

A couple of months ago I wrote that Masala Zone was the worst indian I'd ever had. At the time I couldn't really see how it could get any worse. I was wrong. So wrong that it blows my mind.

Jaisalmer Palace is in the CBD area of melbourne next to a pretty naff british pub. It turns out if you want good food or drink, don't really bother looking in the CBD.

The place looked ok, it was quite nice inside. But this is where the praise ends. We ordered samosas and onion bhaji for starters. The bhajis turned out to actually be onion pakora, not what you'd find in britain, but apparently thats just how they do it in oz. But they were pretty horrible. The Samosas were just strange. They were huge and the batter, which you'd expect to be crisp, was thick and doughy. On the inside, well god, it was filled with some strange grey mush. It looked and tasted a lot like newspaper pulp, but with masses of chili.

The main courses arrived, we ordered chicken tikka masala, rice, chicken makhan wala and a garlic naan. How could they possibly get this wrong? This is all pretty standard. Well they managed it. The sauces were very strange, they had a strange kind of shine to them, hard to describe, a bit like congealed custard or something. But that wasn't the worst part. The chicken was green. No kidding both curries were full green chicken. Not just on the outside, it went through towards the centre. Its like it had been marinaded in nuclear waste. I tried some anyway, cos I'm wreckless like that. It tasted awful and was chewy and obviously very cheap. The naan was dripping with grease for some reason.

We didn't really know what to do. Neither of us had ever been in this situation before. We didn't want to eat the food through fear of death. I ended up explaining to the staff that the food was inedible and so they just charged us for the drinks. They didn't seem hugely shocked by this though, so others had probably complained in the past.

As we finished our drinks, the slightly miffed chef came out to speak to us. I thought it was nice for him to bother, but he didn't really seem to take in what we were telling him and asked if it was because the food was too spicy. No its not the spice, its the green chicken! He made the excuse that his food was Punjabi, but I don't really see how that explains anything.

I should've known better, we were the only customers there. The rest, I suspect, had died.

This is a strange one: The food at Dinner box is very good, especially the peshwari naan. I thought I had found my new favourite curry house in my endless quest. But (there's always a but) the first time I had takeaway from here, there were two bits of sharp plastic in my curry. I thought this must be a one off and forgot about it. Some time later we tried them again with no problems. The third time, more plastic, but this time pieces of film like stuff, which I ended up chewing on for a while cos I thought it was onion.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, make me chew on plastic.

So good food, but very questionable kitchen practices. I would suggest Tiffin Tin instead.

It may not look like much from the outside but the food is excellent, the service is friendly, the price reasonable and the atmosphere relaxed. I have yet to find a better Tikka Masala.
The desserts aren't great but I don't think many people would have room for one anyway.

EDIT: Standards have recently slipped. Sort it out!

The staff are friendly enough and they offer a lot of services, but the place is so inefficient and their high quality digital prints are rubbish. I'm sure they're fine for photos etc but if you need something professional, don't bother.

Amazing selection of cakes

Really nice simple menu full of real good food that should please everyone.

Go :)

Wow, people so far have given this place good reviews. I am honestly shocked.

This is by far some of the worst Indian food I have ever eaten, and I've been to some pretty crappy Indian restaurants over the years.

The service was mediocre at best, they were a little pushy and not exactly polite or friendly.

The menu. Someone here said it's varied and has a good choice?
Have you ever been to a real Indian restaurant? The menu is terrible, the selection of curries is very narrow and they don't even have peshwari naan.

I ordered the butter chicken, my friends ordered the korma and the lamb thali. The butter chicken was passable, but the chicken was a little strange and the rice didn't taste freshly cooked. The garlic naan was strangely flat and false tasting. Not nice and light and fluffy as you'd expect.

I tried the korma and the thali as well. The thali was passable too, not good, but edible. The korma on the other hand, wow, sinking to a new level of terrible. It tasted like one of those microwave curries you'd get from a supermarket for a quid. The sauce was horrible and the chicken had chewy nasty bits in it.

If you want good modern Indian food in North London, try the Tiffin tin or Dinnerbox.

If you're going to eat out on Upper street, why choose this place when there are so many great, real restaurants in this area?! (the fig and olive for example is brilliant)

The new owners have completely transformed the place. Good simple food, and a great back garden full of flowers. One of the few good things in Shirley.

A really good selection of Turkish and mediterranean dishes. I had the Adana kebab which came with a nice salad and home made chili sauce, it was like having a lamb kebab how its meant to be, rather than some rubbish you get when drunk on your way home.

Great choice of meze and not bad desserts, although I’d not recommend the apple crumble, keep it traditional, get Baklava!

Everyone liked everything we ordered and the bill came to about £16 per head, which included 3 courses and drinks.

Will definitely be going back soon.

Nice website, a good range on the menu and food that wants to kill you! My girlfriend and I were both ill after eating it last night and I’m still ill today.

As you might imagine, I wouldn’t recommend it. The chicken was chewy and the sweet and sour sauce tasted very strange.